Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
