Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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