You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
