Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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