I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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