When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
then he tried to convert me to islam
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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