porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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