Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
