your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
