Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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