and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
