so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
