Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
