Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
