I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
