thus making me awesome and them whores
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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