Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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