My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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