what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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