my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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