I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
