Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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