Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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