I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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