I just threw up on my dentist
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
