That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
