Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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