happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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