There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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