First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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