My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
