Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
