just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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