the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
