You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
