epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My bed smells like the plague
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