I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
