I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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