Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
