I will die if light touches me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
