Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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