I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
