My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
