god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
