I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
