I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
