So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
