I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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