I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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