but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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