he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
