I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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