Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
